Salvation Films UK DVD
Rated 18 Region Free
The opening scene sets the tone for the film by showing an old haggish looking witch woman being tortured and ultimately failing their "yep, she's a total witch, let's burn her alive!" test. She is then tied and racked up onto a stake and burned alive while chanting a curse in English and Spanish(?) that Satan will come down upon them and they will all die a worse death than hers, with the help of her sexy, devious, daughters! Muhaha! You tell'em witchy!
The Lord and Lady of the Spanish Inquisition who were responsible for this woman's death kinda freak out about the devil's curse and decide to find out information on the dead woman. Does she in fact have some witchy daughters running around somewhere? The film focus' on the church and the nuns and unearthly and unholy matters these nuns seem to be doing every second. The Mother Superior seems to constantly bring in some poor nun just to question her thoughts and if she wasn't 100% attentive during the afternoons prayer. Well, you know what you get when you don't concentrate on the Lord's prayer? You get smacked! "Cure your wicked thoughts!" Apparently if you are happy about the springtime air and imagine yourself running naked through the cool breeze, it's grounds for major discipline. "Anyone would think you're possessed by a demon!"
Man, these people are strict!!
Right after that hand-smackdown, sister whats-her-face receives, we cut to another scene of the Mother Superior ratting out another nun called Kathleen being naughty with herself in her room. They come up with the idea that Kathleen is most likely possessed. Hmm. Yeah, that's definitely the reason for her actions! Man, these people are brilliant! Another little nun-rat runs to the Mother and tells her that Kathleen is 'making strange noises in her room right now! OMG! The Mother races to the room because she needs to see this sexual travesty!! Again!! :D
After seeing such hotness, she freaks and runs away and starts praying in french and then tears off her habit in a rage! Sexually frustrated much? She wants her...
Finally we get to the point of this mess where Lord and Lady pay the church a visit inquiring about two nuns, sister Kathleen (the one who likes to touch herself) and sister Margaret. They have very mysterious backgrounds and get a monthly pension by an unknown estate. Good sister, bad sister. Sell'em down the river, sister!! The Lady inquires about the "bad" sister and that she may be a witch! The mother, who, I told you guys has a thing for this bad girl, gets a bit defensive and says, why hells no, she ain't no witch! Then she obviously remembers her faithful commitment to god and says, yeah, she could be. Lets test these witches out.
Now this Lady De Winter is loving the power she has over these two sisters. She starts to question their virginity (virgins) and their contact with "the devil?" Unfortunately, good ole Kathleen owns up to hearing the devil call her in the middle of the night, giving her strange sexy feelings. Lady De Winter then requires the two sisters to lean over the table so she can inspect their female cavity for proof of their virginity. COME ON! That's just rude!! Of course Lady De Winter is a total bitch and not only gets off on shoving her hand in the warm, sweet, supple crevice of a young nun, but she insists Sister Kathleen is indeed not a virgin! Well, lets do some more testing shall, we!
"The witchcraft examination!"
They put poor Kathleen into a torture device and demand her to confess to her witchery! She doesn't, so they clamp her knee with a hot iron tool! Apparently, trying to break her kneecap or just burn her? Not sure about that.
In a strange twist of compassion, Renfield, the Lord & Lady's pal, sneaks down into the torture dungeon and looks upon Kathleen. She begs for water and he immediately jumps to her rescue for a drink. He kindly gives her a drink from a cup and tells her he believes in her innocence. Lady De Winter has secretly witnessed this display of kindness and confronts Renfield of his desires. They must have an open relationship, because the Lady said they have to share in all their passions. Figures.
The Witchcraft examination continues on poor Kathleen as they stick a needle in her nipple. No blood comes out, which is one sign of witchery. They then pour (hot?) water on her breasts to see if it will evaporate on contact. Accusations of her being a witch are founded to be true, she failed all three tests, so therefore she must die at the burning stake!
Renfield once again sneaks down to the dungeon where the witch Kathleen is being held until her death and victoriously bribes the guards to set her free.
This is where I'm gonna stop my review due to spoiler material and things really start to get cool, sexy and come together for a very interesting, but seriously drawn out ending.
This is my second viewing of this film since I bought it and I really liked it a lot better than the first time. It really drags on in some places and some scenes fill like filler. The movies is 103mins long but if they would have cut about 20mins out, it would flow so much better. The climactic scenes after Kathleen is freed by Renfield are really fantastic. Especially ones with Lady De Winter and that sexy evil chameleon Sister Margaret! The period piece outfits are beautiful, but Franco's direction and overall way he chooses to shoot some of his scenes really frustrate me!! I felt this way during his epic women in prison film "99 Women." It's like he shoots in such an angle where you want to jump or walk around the scene to see what is going on. Stop hiding the sexy with your odd, junky, camerawork!
Another thing that was confusing about this movie was that some of the scenes switch from English/Spanish/french dialogue without any subtitles. This movie isn't available on DVD in the united states, but there is a very expensive Unicorn VHS release out there that goes for a mad amount of money. It's one of those I've been looking for, for a while, but I decided to pick up the UK DVD on Amazon.UK for $13 shipped. Which was a great deal and the way to go on this little above-average, Jess Franco nunsploitation flick! Reccomended by Franco fans and of course the nun lovers. :)
Make Marry, but remember, pleasure equals death!